Spirituality of Relationship

I decided to interview a few of my friends, mainly because this essay is a good excuse to broach the subject of personal beliefs and hopefully hear some testimonies. To begin with I asked some basic questions that each person had to answer and it was immediately evident that the course of the interview would be drastically affected by the answer to the first question: Do you believe in God? Sitting here silently typing, absorbing, I was humbled by the trust that these girls had for me and as I watched their lips move I could see how their spirits stirred within them.

Only one of my three friends had a solid answer throughout the entire process, the other two consistently settled with ‘I don’t know’s. I did not express this to my friends but their mediocre answers were unsettling to me and it wasn’t until half way through the questions that I realized how upset I was becoming. After some speculation I have come to the conclusion that my stereotypically Christian upbringing has conditioned me to react this way to responses that are anything less than conclusive.

It struck me that these girls I was talking with, the girls I had surrounded myself with for my entire time at Warner and who I considered my best friends, are for all intensive purposes, strangers to me. I may have familiarized myself with their vocal patterns, daily habits, senses of humor and eating preferences but the real them, the fabric of their spirits, is completely unfamiliar to me. This truth took me aback and I listened all the closer to their words.

One of my friends told me about an experience she had with what she believes to be an angel and how that experience has brought her faith to life in a way that she had not previously thought possible. As she spoke the pitch of her voice gradually rose and I was compelled to believe her if only because she was clearly still so shaken by the experience. The more I think about this the more sure I am that my response one of awe and jealousy. I have seen tragedy and joy, desperation and hope, but I cannot think of a single experience in my entire life that might lend me the emotion she was struggling to control that night, and I can’t help but to wonder what that says about my life.

Another friend shared that she had never believed in God but was open to the idea so she wagered with Him that if He would prove Himself then she would follow him. That week she went to a church to see her friend get baptized and she said “As soon as she went underwater I was filled with this overwhelming sense of love…it was like I was metaphorically baptized with understanding.” Again I found myself longing for the intensity with which she spoke these words.

As I type I am beginning to pick out a bit of a pattern concerning the stories that I heard that night and the reactions that I had to them. Each story that I reacted with jealousy towards had two elements in common; they all took place in a time of uncertainty and they all involved God speaking to the person in question. I think one of the reasons that I was so jealous about this is because I feel like God hasn’t spoken to me like that in a very long time… then again each person was spoken to in a way that catered to them specifically so it is possible that He has spoken to me in a way that is more subtle those expressed by my peers.

In any case I think it is important to keep my eyes, ears, heart, and mind open to whatever God might be saying to me because these stories have helped me to realize that He may be speaking loud in clear, only I am not paying enough attention to notice.