Learning to See

These last few weeks of school have been taxing- I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained in ways that I did not previously consider possible. While I have learned more academically than ever before I have also learned a great deal about myself and about the things that go on which are beyond my comprehension. Take, for example, miracles.

One of the lessons that I am learning is that miraculous events occur far more often than they are acknowledged. By this I mean that miracles happen all the time but we as humans are not entirely accustomed to spotting them. I am under the impression that noticing miracles is not a perception that humans are born with but a skill that must be practiced and honed.

Try it- miracles are happening all around you this very instant. And now. And still. Looking out my window I can see a decent sized oak tree adorned with several hundred leaves. Each leaf is swaying to and fro in a way that causes a whispering sort of noise that cannot be replicated and we call it ‘wind’. That is a miracle. Next time you pass by a sink think about it a bit more than you typically would: the flick of a wrist provides a cascade of hydrogen and oxygen that most of Earth’s inhabitants struggle and die to procure. That is a miracle.

The ability to ‘see’ miracles in my daily life does more than amaze me, it draws me near to my Creator. By teaching myself to consider the incredulousness of simple concepts I am constantly reminded of the care with which He designed each and every facet of life on Earth, of humanity, and of MY life, and this consistent reminder keeps me focused on God regardless of my current behaviors or circumstances.

When it comes down to it I can always fall back on the logic that if God put as much effort into the intricacies of the photosynthetic process by which plants can miraculously change from a seed to a tree, if He cared so much as to paint the skies each night with a complex array of gaseous masses simply for their aesthetic value, then He certainly must care somewhat about me. And I find peace in that.

The Final Struggle

         

It's Monday- time for a blog post. I am supposed to be writing about my English final, about how my topic of Art in Public Education is impacting me as I study local schools. Yes, I have a third draft of the essay for the tutoring center to look over, and I turned in a working bibliography today just like the syllabus told me to, I am waiting on a response from a man about an interview and my desk is smothered by a pile of books about the psychology of learning. 

          All of this effort for my final essay, hours of studying for my latest Biology test and working with peers on math homework, just for a piece of paper. Maybe it's the sweet breeze whispering promises of sunshine through the hall but I am finding it more and more difficult to focus on the logistics of APA formatting when the rest of my life is right around the bend-- this new trend of national disasters isn't helping.
          With the amount of loss happening all around the country in the past few months I have really been put in the position to reevaluate what I am doing with my life. Having graduated from HS with my Associates Degree I am questioning my choice to attend a four year. I mean I already have what a great deal of people live their whole lives working for when it comes to school and putting myself and my family this far in debt doesn’t seem worth the price of another degree to me, particularly when I could be out living life.
            Sure I might miss out on some of the ‘college experiences’ that my older mentors speak so fondly of (which have turned out to be grossly over exaggerated) but putting myself through years of sleepless studying and socially obligated affairs is nothing compared to what I could experience out in the world. All my life I have focused on learning and comprehending information and this has appeased me thus far but I am at a point where all I want is to stop learning (scholastically) and start LIVING.

Group Poop

          I don't know why I thought that writing this essay as a group would be easier than doing so individually because that is not turning out to be the case. Yes each I can delegate certain tasks but coordinating each part of the essay and then combining them all smoothly is a joke. Luckily for all of us Professor Kelly is super helpful so with his feedback we are going to modify all that we had accomplished in order to deal with what needs to be accomplished still.

Fourteen Souls

One month from today I will be at home in my queen size bed, surrounded by my family. One month from today I will have said my goodbyes and left behind all that has been my life for this past year. One month from today things will be different.

                I know that this impending paradigm shift is for the better because it signifies growth but that doesn’t make it any less harsh, and I am stuck between readiness and hesitation. While a large part of me is ready to be done with the hustle and bustle of classes I can’t help but to consider that going home means going back to what I have worked so hard to detach myself from. For the duration of my time at Warner I have been slowly learning to handle the fact that I am growing up, and that growing up may mean being away from my family.

                I miss them terribly but I have grown accustomed to the way that things are here. I am used to the constant echo of voices and music that hums through my dorm. I am used to walking everywhere that I need to go and stocking up food for the weekends. Yeah it can be frustrating- I miss seeing the stars and I struggle to find privacy, and it doesn’t rain enough. But I recognize the fact that I will never be where I am again.

                I will be reunited with the majority of my classmates next year, and roughly half are within visiting distance. The thing is that these are not my classmates, they are my life mates. We have been going through classes together sure, but we have also gone through sickness and injury, drama and hurt, long nights and belly aching laughter. These fourteen girls have changed me and there will never be a time after this year where we are put through this again.

                I suppose what I mean by all of this is thank you. Each of you has touched me over this past year, some more than others, but I am blessed to call you all my friends either way. We may all go our separate ways but I will always be here for any of you <3

Herbert's Fishy Funeral

One of the things that I really appreciate about Warner Pacific is one of the same things I despise: the expectation to ask questions. While I find it refreshing to be prompted into thought processes of interest it is rough for me personally because my brain has a sort of an all-or-nothing mentality... needless to say my stay at Warner has unleashed a maelstrom of questions that are constantly resurfacing in areas of my life where they don't actually belong. Like my pet fish, Herbert.

Turning round and round again

Just can’t get that image out of my head

Bumping up against himself

Wrestling with his own reflection

Forced to stare down every reaction

A baby betta fish

College freshman first pet

How can a mere inch of flesh

Shake me so hard with its death

Maybe its the glazed over look of his eyes

Fighting so hard to breathe

He’s just fighting to survive

And right then I see it;

I see me in his eyes.

Turning round and round again

Just can’t get that image out of my head

Bumping up against myself

Wrestling with my own reflection

Forced to stare down every reaction

A sheltered little girl

College freshman first breath

How can a mere question mark

Shake me so hard with it’s threat.

 

Final Essay Outline and Notes

Requirements: 6-12 Pages double-spaced
-1 Primary claim followed by 3 Secondary claims
-Minimum of 10 citations -> about 4 citations per person
-APA format
-Quotes from interview as well as interview summary
-At least one advocacy piece
-Highlighted thesis statement
-Working bibliography
-Reference list
-Title page and Abstract

To Do:
-Establish a thesis statement
-Solidify interview questions
-Call about interviews
-Choose the breakdown of our approach


Basically at this point I have gathered a good deal of phone numbers so that tomorrow I can start calling local High Schools and scheduling interviews. I have also done some back round research and picked out a few different articles to use as bookmarks throughout this period.

To Snail or Not To Snail

     Spring break of your freshman year in college stereotypically consists of bikinis, beer, and best friends. As I tend to do, I have taken this week to entirely defy what stereotypes have been set and spent the majority of my time in the true college fashion—eating and sleeping. As I attempted to recover from a long three months of studying, rehearsal, illness and injury, it occurred to me that life at home had not ceased to exist as I had previously imagined.

     I don’t know what it is about change that acts as such a paralytic but I have found that time and time again when faced with a period of transition I am prone to a sort of snail-like mentality- if I curl up tightly enough then the rest of the world will move on. This is a fairly accurate statement but for whatever reason I have it stuck in my head that the rest of the world will pause and wait for me to catch up and this is where things take a turn for the worse.

     Furthermore, instead of waiting for spring break to pull a snail maneuver I decided to curl up and hibernate in the middle of this last semester. Now don’t get me wrong, resting is vital to a person’s well-being and I definitely needed to rest, but assuming that the rest of Warner Pacific and beyond would take five while I took a cat nap was not only naïve but just plain ignorant.

     I suppose an outsider might say that a fundamental character flaw of mine is the tendency to live like a snail when I should be living like a bipedal humanoid of the female variety, that I need to stop sleeping and start moving. While this observation is a sound one I find myself wholeheartedly disagreeing. Maybe the way I went about it wasn’t so smart but I truly believe that taking time to rest and revitalize is key to a healthy lifestyle, I just need to work on finding a balance between a snail and a me.